Understanding Expectations in Therapy: What Goals Are Realistic?
Starting therapy is a brave choice, and it’s completely natural to want quick results or to solve everything immediately. Many people come in believing their problems should disappear after a few sessions—or that they should always feel happy and confident. However, research consistently shows that setting your expectations too high can lead to disappointment. True growth rarely happens overnight; it’s a gradual process, and that’s perfectly okay.
For example, it’s normal to want to fix everything at once, but studies show that meaningful change usually takes time—sometimes months or even years—especially when working through deep-rooted patterns or longstanding issues (Norcross & Wampold, 2011). Therapy isn’t about erasing feelings like anxiety or sadness; rather, it’s about learning to relate to those feelings in a healthier way (Padesky & Mooney, 2012). It’s about developing skills to understand yourself better, manage your emotions, and find new ways to move forward—not to eliminate all discomfort.
It’s essential to remember that therapy is a journey, not a quick fix. Your therapist is there as a guide, helping you uncover insights, build resilience, and take small, manageable steps. Sometimes, real change happens quietly—day by day—as you celebrate small victories and practice self-compassion along the way (Lyubomirsky, 2008). These small, consistent efforts accumulate, leading to lasting progress.
Setting realistic, gentle goals helps you stay motivated and trust the process. It cultivates patience, kindness, and hope—reminding you that you don’t need all the answers right now. All you need is the willingness to explore, learn, and grow at your own pace. And if you ever feel discouraged, remember that progress often shows up as increased self-awareness, healthier coping strategies, and a deeper sense of peace—more than immediate solutions or perfect outcomes.
More Helpful and Realistic Expectations:
Gradual Progress: Change often unfolds in small, meaningful steps. Recognising and celebrating these moments can motivate you to keep going (Prochaska & DiClemente, 1983).
Self-Compassion: Therapy encourages you to be kinder to yourself and accept all parts of your human experience—joy, pain, setbacks, and growth (Neff, 2003).
Building Resilience: You’ll learn skills that help you handle future challenges more confidently. Research shows resilience training improves emotional regulation and adaptive coping (Southwick et al., 2014).
Inner Clarity: Gaining insight into your thoughts, feelings, and patterns can support you in making choices that align with your core values and goals (Meichenbaum, 2007).
Relationship Improvement: Developing healthier communication and boundaries can lead to more fulfilling relationships (Davila et al., 2014).
If you’re worried about your expectations, remember: you’re allowed to take the time you need. Your process is unique, and every step forward is a sign of your strength and resilience.
References
Lyubomirsky, S. (2008). The How of Happiness. Penguin.
Meichenbaum, D. (2007). The Stress Inoculation Training Program. Springer.
Neff, K. (2003). Self-compassion: An alternative conceptualization of a healthy attitude towards oneself. Self and Identity, 2(2), 85-101.
Norcross, J. C., & Wampold, B. E. (2011). Evidence-based therapy relationships. Psychotherapy, 48(1), 98-102.
Padesky, C. A., & Mooney, S. J. (2012). Strengths-based cognitive-behavioral therapy: A few steps forward. Clinical Psychology & Psychotherapy, 19(4), 283–290.
Southwick, S. M., et al. (2014). Resilience: The science of mastering life’s greatest challenges. Cambridge University Press.
Wampold, B. E. (2015). The Heart and Soul of Change: Delivering What Works in Therapy. American Psychological Association.
