Understanding Expectations in Therapy: What Goals Are Realistic?

Starting therapy is a brave choice — and it’s natural to hope for quick results or to want to resolve everything right away. Many people come in believing their problems should disappear after a few sessions, or that they’ll always feel happy and confident once therapy begins. However, research consistently shows that setting overly high expectations can lead to disappointment. Real growth rarely happens overnight. It’s a gradual, sometimes challenging process — and that’s completely okay.

For example, while it’s understandable to want to fix everything at once, studies show that meaningful change often takes time — sometimes months or even years — especially when working through deep-rooted patterns or longstanding concerns (Norcross & Wampold, 2011). Therapy isn’t about erasing feelings like anxiety or sadness. Instead, it’s about learning how to relate to those feelings in a healthier way (Padesky & Mooney, 2012). It supports you in developing skills to better understand yourself, manage emotions, and explore new ways of moving forward — not in eliminating all discomfort.

It’s important to remember that therapy is a journey, not a quick fix. Your therapist is there as a supportive partner — someone to help you uncover insights, build resilience, and take manageable steps at your own pace. Sometimes, meaningful change unfolds quietly, day by day, as you notice small shifts and practice self-compassion along the way (Lyubomirsky, 2008). These consistent efforts often build toward meaningful progress over time.

Setting realistic, compassionate goals can help you stay engaged and trust the process. It encourages patience, kindness, and hope — reminding you that you don’t need all the answers right now. You only need the willingness to explore, learn, and grow at a pace that feels right for you. And if you ever feel discouraged, remember that progress often shows up in subtle ways: increased self-awareness, healthier coping strategies, and a deeper sense of peace — not always in immediate solutions or perfect outcomes.

Helpful and Realistic Expectations for Therapy

• Gradual Progress: Change often unfolds in small, meaningful steps. Recognising and celebrating these moments can support your motivation and confidence (Prochaska & DiClemente, 1983).

• Self-Compassion: Therapy encourages a kinder relationship with yourself, helping you accept all aspects of your experience — including joy, pain, setbacks, and growth (Neff, 2003).

• Building Resilience: Therapy can support you in developing skills that may help you navigate future challenges with greater confidence. Research shows that resilience practices contribute to improved emotional regulation and adaptive coping (Southwick et al., 2014).

• Gaining Insight: Understanding your thoughts, emotions, and patterns can empower you to make choices that align with your values and goals (Meichenbaum, 2007).

• Relationship Awareness: Therapy may help you explore healthier ways of communicating and setting boundaries, which can enhance your relationships over time (Davila et al., 2014).

If you’re feeling uncertain about what to expect, know this: you’re allowed to take the time you need. Your journey is your own — and every step forward, no matter how small, is a testament to your courage and resilience.

References

• Lyubomirsky, S. (2008). The How of Happiness. Penguin.

• Meichenbaum, D. (2007). The Stress Inoculation Training Program. Springer.

• Neff, K. (2003). Self-compassion: An alternative conceptualization of a healthy attitude towards oneself. Self and Identity, 2(2), 85-101.

• Norcross, J. C., & Wampold, B. E. (2011). Evidence-based therapy relationships. Psychotherapy, 48(1), 98-102.

• Padesky, C. A., & Mooney, S. J. (2012). Strengths-based cognitive-behavioral therapy: A few steps forward. Clinical Psychology & Psychotherapy, 19(4), 283–290.

• Southwick, S. M., et al. (2014). Resilience: The science of mastering life’s greatest challenges. Cambridge University Press.

• Wampold, B. E. (2015). The Heart and Soul of Change: Delivering What Works in Therapy. American Psychological Association.