We’ll See: Settling Into the Mystery in Living

We may go to therapy wanting answers. We want to know how long it will take. We want to know what is wrong and how we are to fix it. We want to know that we can achieve our aims and that our happiness is guaranteed. It can be disheartening to leave therapy not only without these answers but with even more questions. 

It can be challenging to accept that we can't always know these things and that our efforts to prepare or know what will happen are futile. We can assume our not knowing is due to someone's failure when we may need to remind ourselves that we aren't prophets and that no matter how certain we are, we are likely to be wrong. 

When something unexpected happens, and unwanted (or wanted) changes follow, often the first thing we do is confront the loss of whatever came before. We may feel disoriented and lost. We may suddenly feel like we have no ground left to stand on. We may question who we are and feel uncomfortable about the future. This is where we can start attaching our meanings to the situation instead of sitting with the unknowns. Given how hard it is to be between where we were, where we are, and where we are going, it's understandable that we would want to find some meaning in it all. But the thing is that when we skip ahead and force a conclusion that something is 'good' or 'bad,' we can lose out on what else is possible now. 

An ancient Zen story that I return to when I am struggling with not knowing is called "We'll See," and it goes like this: 

Once upon a time, on a fine fall morning, an old farmer went out to tend his animals and crops.

At first light, the farmer was dismayed to see his fence had been crushed by a falling tree during the night. All three of the farmer's prized horses had disappeared.

The other villagers moaned in sympathy: "Whatever will you do?" they asked the farmer. "This is terrible," they all cried, shaking their heads sadly, "and right before harvest time, too."

"Your harvest will rot in the field. What will your family eat this winter? How will you get your crop in without horses?" one of the villagers asked the old farmer.

"We'll see," was the farmer's only reply as he returned to his chores.

Later that morning, the farmer heard the sound of hooves and, looking up, saw his three horses had returned! What was more, the three horses had two wild horses running with them.

Soon, the villagers were heard to express their delight at the farmer's good fortune.

"What a wonderful thing to have happen!" the other villagers cried. "What a wealthy man you will be with this new stock of animals!"

"We'll see," was all the old farmer would reply.

After lunch that day, the farmer's son was trying to break one of the wild horses to the saddle. Suddenly, the wild horse threw the son to the ground. Running to his injured son, the farmer found his son's leg badly broken.

The neighbors were soon around to give their opinions.

"What a terrible calamity," the villagers said. "What a disaster."

"Now you really won't be able to get your crop in without a strong son to help you. He will take months to heal. Whatever will you do now?" the other villagers asked the farmer in despair.

The farmer would only shrug and say: "We'll see."

Later that afternoon, military officials rode into the tiny village, with a great clattering of weapons and jostling of horses. Looking grim and serious, the soldiers announced an official conscription. Every young and able man was to be drafted into service that very day.

The farmer's son, having just been injured, was left behind, even as other sons and husbands were taken.

No one in the village could believe the old farmer's good fortune. And not everyone was entirely happy about it.

"Surely the most tremendous good fortune has smiled upon you today," the villagers grumbled. "How can anyone be so lucky?"

But the old farmer would only reply, "We'll see."

The End

I love this story because it highlights how things that appear 'good' or 'bad' can pave the way for something else that is entirely different from what it seemed to be initially. It brings to the fore that we may let go of evaluating at all and find a way of being with uncertainty. It shows how others may label our experience but might be just plain wrong. It can be scary to acknowledge the limitations of our control and understanding of the things that happen. Yet, it can also be liberating and open up possibilities beyond what we can imagine. 

What if we settled into the 'we'll see' space instead of drawing conclusions? What might it feel like to settle in there? What would it mean you could shed, let go or shift in yourself? Sure, it may be challenging, but how might it be freeing? What if the mystery of life could also be a place of wonder instead of just anxiety and fear? What if the question leads to growth instead of the answer? 

I invite you to think of a time when you assumed something was 'good' or 'bad' but were surprised that it wasn't what you thought. If you struggle to come up with an example, here is one from one of my favourite bloggers (also actor and musician), Josh Randor: Read Blog 

Life isn't something we need to solve; instead, it's something to be experienced.