Getting the Most Out of Therapy
Starting therapy can feel both hopeful and daunting. Every person brings their own story, expectations, and needs — which means no two therapy journeys are exactly alike. While there’s no single “right way” to do therapy, there are some considerations that may help you build trust with your therapist and make the most of your experience.
Here are a few things to keep in mind as you begin:
1. Trust Your Sense of Connection
Therapy works best when you feel a meaningful connection with your therapist. While their qualifications and approach are important, the therapeutic relationship itself is a key factor in successful outcomes (Norcross & Wampold, 2011). Pay attention to whether you feel safe, respected, and heard — especially in your first few sessions. The right fit matters.
2. Expect Some Resistance — It’s Part of the Process
Deciding to come to therapy is an act of courage. Yet it’s also natural to feel hesitant or resistant at times. Resistance isn’t a sign of failure; often, it reflects protective parts of us that fear change or vulnerability (Perls, 1969). If you notice this, bring it into the conversation. Working through resistance together can deepen your insight and strengthen the therapeutic relationship.
3. It May Feel Worse Before It Feels Better
Therapy can stir up old wounds and uncomfortable emotions. Sometimes, progress looks like sitting with difficult feelings before clarity comes. This doesn’t mean therapy isn’t working — it means you’re engaging with the deeper layers of your experience. Be patient with yourself; lasting change often builds slowly through small, meaningful shifts.
4. Be Open to Uncertainty
You might arrive seeking clear solutions, but therapy often involves exploring complexities that don’t have quick answers. Learning to sit with uncertainty — a key part of psychological flexibility (Hayes et al., 1999) — can open you to new insights and deeper self-understanding.
5. Ask Questions — They’re Always Welcome
Therapy is your space. If something feels unclear or you’re curious about your therapist’s approach, ask. Open dialogue helps build trust and empowers you to take an active role in your healing. Your questions are valid and valuable.
6. Practice Self-Care Around Sessions
Therapy can be emotionally demanding. Grounding practices like journaling, movement, meditation, or creative expression can support your well-being before and after sessions. If you’re feeling unsettled, let your therapist know. Together, you can find ways to help you feel safe and regulated.
7. Stay Consistent — It Makes a Difference
Therapy is a process, not a quick fix. Regular attendance helps build trust and momentum, giving space for both reflection and action. If you notice yourself wanting to cancel or avoid sessions, it may be worth exploring those feelings together — they often hold valuable insights.
8. Therapy Isn’t Just One Hour a Week
While sessions are a vital part of the process, meaningful change happens in your everyday life. Applying what you learn — practicing new ways of thinking, relating, or coping — deepens your growth. Like learning a new language, insight needs practice to become second nature.
9. Talk About Therapy in Therapy
If you feel frustrated, disconnected, or uncertain about your therapist or the process, bring it up. Honest conversations about your experience can be some of the most powerful work you do. Therapy offers a rare space to explore relational patterns in real time — safely and with support.
10. It’s Okay to Pause — Or to Find a New Fit
Therapy is your journey. Sometimes you may need a break, a change in frequency, or even a new therapist. That’s not failure — it’s part of finding what supports you best. Your well-being and growth are what matter most.
Starting therapy is a brave step. Wherever your journey leads, know that you have the right to seek connection, ask questions, and grow at your own pace.
