What it Means to Trust the Process
You may have heard the wise advice to "trust the process." If not, this phrase, often used in therapy, reminds both therapists and clients to examine their expectations around healing. It’s crucial not to let preconceived ideas about what should happen interfere with the actual process unfolding.
As clients, it can be tough to let your healing journey go at its own pace, especially when you're feeling overwhelmed or in pain and desperately seeking relief. Therapists share this wish for immediate relief; however, healing takes time. Rushing the process or fixating on a specific outcome can hinder our progress, as what we want from therapy may not align with what truly helps us heal.
Many enter therapy hoping to become invulnerable to their struggles. We might think therapy is only complete when we no longer face challenges or when we feel happy all the time. Some people may use therapy as a way to punish themselves for past mistakes, believing that hard work will lead to an ideal outcome and shield them from suffering. This mindset can lead us to feel there's something fundamentally wrong with us, pushing us on an endless quest to expose all our flaws in hopes of achieving perfection.
In reality, healing looks quite different. It often involves accepting that suffering is part of life rather than striving for invincibility. Our challenges and vulnerabilities can become opportunities for growth and deeper connections with others through our shared human experience.
Rather than seeking constant happiness or trying to eliminate "negative" feelings, healing may mean allowing ourselves to experience sadness, pain, and disappointment. Embracing the full range of our emotions can lead to a richer experience of both joy and sorrow, resulting in a more fulfilling life.
Punishing ourselves to rectify past mistakes is neither possible nor helpful. The feelings and decisions from our past are part of our journey. Healing can involve shifting how we view the past, approaching it with understanding and compassion. This new perspective creates space for us to learn from and nurture our younger selves, caring for those parts of us in ways we needed but didn't receive back then. It’s essential to remember that we acted based on what we knew at that time, and we can always forgive ourselves for not knowing sooner, which helps lighten the burden of our past.
Instead of aiming for an ideal outcome, healing can focus on what's good in the present—recognising our growth and appreciating the journey that has brought us here. We can take pride in how far we've come while also considering what will help us thrive in the future. Sometimes, it's about finding contentment—not in perfection, but in what is "good enough."
Instead of endlessly searching for what’s wrong with us, healing can mean shifting our focus to what’s right. This includes learning to accept both the light and dark sides of ourselves and others. Perfection is an illusion; no one is perfect, and there’s no single definition of perfection. Perhaps healing is less about fixing what’s wrong and more about learning to acknowledge feelings of inadequacy without allowing them to dictate our actions.
When we say "trust the process," we mean not expecting to achieve a specific outcome that might not be right for us. We might enter therapy with fixed ideas of what healing should look like—but these notions can sometimes hinder real progress. Defining "health" in a way that doesn't connect with our unique experiences can be unhelpful. Trusting the process means allowing your healing journey to unfold naturally, at its own pace, rather than according to our expectations.
I encourage you to reflect on your ideas about what healing "should" look like.
Whose expectations are you trying to meet?
Is it truly healing if it simply reinforces beliefs that hold you back and cause you pain?
How can you discover what healing means for you personally?
By trusting the process, we open ourselves to new possibilities. However, we must let go of constraints and preconceived notions. Your growth doesn’t need to mirror someone else's journey; it is happening in your own unique way.
