What it Means to Trust the Process
You may have heard the wise advice to "trust the process." If you haven't, it's a phrase often used in therapy that serves as a reminder for both therapists and clients to check their expectations for healing. It's important not to let preconceived ideas about what should happen interfere with the process that is actually unfolding.
As clients, it can be challenging to allow our healing process to develop in its unique way, especially when we're feeling overwhelmed or in pain, desperately wanting relief. Therapists share this wish for immediate relief; however, healing takes time. Rushing the process or focusing on a specific outcome can hinder our progress because what we seek from therapy might not align with what will truly enable us to heal.
We often enter therapy hoping to become invincible to our struggles. We may believe that therapy is only complete when we no longer experience challenges or when we are always happy. Some may feel the need to repent for past mistakes, using therapy as a means of punishment to right those wrongs. We might think that achieving an ideal outcome through hard work is the key to avoiding suffering. In this mindset, we become convinced that there is something fundamentally wrong with us and embark on an endless quest to identify and expose all our faults in hopes of becoming perfect, thus shielding ourselves from pain.
In reality, healing looks quite different. It may involve accepting suffering as an integral part of life rather than striving for invincibility. Our challenges and vulnerabilities can become opportunities for growth and forming deeper connections with others through our shared human experience.
Rather than seeking constant happiness or trying to eliminate "negative" feelings, healing may mean allowing ourselves to experience sadness, pain, and disappointment. Embracing the full range of our emotions can deepen our experience of both joy and sorrow, leading to a more complete and fulfilling life.
Punishing ourselves in an attempt to rectify past mistakes is neither possible nor constructive. What we felt and did in the past is part of our journey. Healing can involve shifting our perspective on the past, viewing it with understanding and compassion. This newfound perspective creates space to learn from and nurture our younger selves. We can care for those versions of ourselves in ways we needed but did not receive back then. It's important to remember that we could only act based on what we knew at that time. We can always forgive ourselves for not knowing sooner, helping to alleviate the weight of our past.
Instead of striving for an ideal outcome, healing might focus on what is good in the present—recognizing our growth and appreciating the journey that brought us to this moment. We can take pride in how far we've come while still considering what will help us continue to thrive in the future. Sometimes, it's about finding contentment—not in perfection, but in what is “good enough.”
Rather than endlessly searching for what is wrong with us, healing can involve shifting our focus to what is right with us. This may include learning to accept both sides of ourselves and others. Perfection is an illusion; no one is perfect, and there is no single definition of perfection. Perhaps healing is less about correcting what is wrong and more about learning to acknowledge feelings of wrongness without letting them dictate our actions.
When we say "trust the process," we mean not expecting ourselves to achieve a predetermined outcome that may not be right for us. We might enter therapy with specific ideas of what healing should look like; however, these notions might not facilitate actual progress. Defining “healthy” in a way that doesn't resonate with our unique experiences can be unhelpful. Trusting the process means allowing our healing journey to unfold naturally, in its own time and manner, rather than according to our expectations.
I encourage you to reflect on what you have thought healing "should" look like.
According to whom does your healing need to fit this expectation?
Is it truly healing if it simply reinforces the beliefs that are holding you back and causing you pain?
How can you discover what healing means for you, personally?
By trusting the process, we open ourselves to new possibilities; however, we must let go of our constraints and preconceived notions. Your growth doesn't have to resemble someone else's journey; it is happening in your own unique way.
